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What One Does at Arrival: Part 1

What One Does at Arrival: Part 1

They open the door because I’ve arrived. I move to step inside, one foot over the cracked threshold, mid-air, inches above the living room floor, the padded welcome mat. One foot is nearly grounded while my arms stretch in that circular maneuver, embracing others, accepting an embrace. It’s what one does at arrival. Step in, share greetings. The door is still open, one foot now firmly down, the other one closely making its entrance; I’m now inside.

I’m thinking, for god’s sake pretend this is our introduction, that I can create a first impression, erase what you know, what you think you know, leave that on the porch, so I can walk in for this first time. The hug I accept is light, unsure, comes with a pat, attached to a how are you, how have you been, attached to a caution, a flashing light, a warning.

The door is closed. I am inside. What happens now, let me hand off my coat, thank you, it’s cold out. Then it’s good to see you rolls like a muffin from a table, you look well, you look tremendous, so glad you are here, offer a drink, offer anything, turn up music, there’s punch in the dining room, help yourself.

I am inside and I am very much still outside. Still on the porch, no feet within, calculating the risk, the escape, running back down the stairs, hiding behind the garbage cans, creeping silently toward the sidewalk and around the corner to freedom, to solitude, to safety. Punch sounds perfect, this is lovely, thank you, so glad I could make it and thank you for the invitation, very happy to see everyone, been too long, yes me too.

I’m down the street with my bag and my coat and I’m running.

What One Does at Arrival: Part 2

What One Does at Arrival: Part 2

It’s one of those dark mansions, it’s almost a mansion, with these rustic, reclaimed barnwood slats that have this just-been-rained-on sheen, so they’re kind of a wet color. The windows are all framed in black, the glass overlaid with rows of Georgian ornamental work, symmetrical, stunning, unassuming.

Outlining the barnwood mansion hunches a winding calliope of branches and vines, rocketing in stillness, vying for sky in fluorescent green. The fence is a quiet explosion of life for 150 square feet. It calms me at first, even though its presence is a surprise. Behind it, the mansion is daunting, massive, an accomplishment, a claim on good fortune. By contrast, the fence is imbalanced, held together by mercy, by determination, it’s patternless, directionless, simply living as nature demands.

When I get to the house, it starts to rain.The afternoon has been swept away by an avalanche of storm clouds and wind. By 5:30, the gray clouds are a wash of black. I nudge open the braided gate and crunch over the September leaves to the front steps. All twelve of them. Leading to the door. Where I will knock in moments. Where I will present myself to a yellow living room with gold balloons and explain the events of my life as they are on this particular day, this September evening, after a slap-in-the-face of a Saturday, and leave that particular imprint on the guests. Oh, good to see you!

It’s time to knock. I look back at the beautiful fence. Then my knuckles descend. My arrival is quickly noted and there are eager footsteps coming for me.