I’m here
I said to the ladybug next to my fist
then took my hand from the bar
dropped my hat onto a stool
unfastened my holster
I started to yell that I was a butterfly
The bug fluttered, walked away
I poured a beer anyway
slung off my belt
turned down my brim
There was a big red heart on the couch
Some scissors came and cut the whole thing out and composted it
So it spent the night in a spinach-and-paper towel sleeping bag
Under an aluminum tent top
It spent the whole night there, being sad
Being like a big, cut-out heart in some garbage
Trash that slowly decomposed
Heart kept dreaming all the time, half-awake, half-decomposed
Not knowing whether to wake the dog
Or the girl
Only sure to stay alive
Hey you,
Hey sledgehammer,
I lied to you as much as you lied to me
What a fucking stunner couple
I told you to come over anytime
Window always open
I promised that you came first, even if it put me last
Well, it got hard, I’ll tell you something, it got rough
The list of disappointments was finally enough
The road was surely rocky and the finish line so far
But I grabbed my things and left anyway and found myself a bar
Out there again, here I am, you can see me
Glass is half full, and, you know, also half empty
Back into the unknown, where I’m the star and the show
Maybe that’s the way it always is, though, you know
Pulling up my own sheets, getting the dogs outdoors
These are the things I used to do before
I can light my own smokes, keep myself well and fed
Play my own lullabies, find a place for my head
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